Itsumo
by Random1377
Summary: In honor of White Day, here is the last story of Shinji and Chidori.  Enjoy.


Disclaimer: the rights to the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion are owned exclusively by Studio Gainax animation. Should they, or any of their affiliates, request it, this story will be removed from the web. Also note that this is the direct sequel to Shunji, so you should probably read that before reading this. Things'll probably make more sense that way.

Itsumo

By Random1377

Asuka's feet were heavy and leaden as she trudged towards school, her mouth set in a grim line as she pondered the odd events of the last few days. Shinji had returned from his visit to Chidori's house looking awkward and embarrassed, and no matter how she had tried, Asuka was not able to coax any information out of him. The fact that Chidori had sworn her to secrecy forced her to tap-dance around the subject, making it impossible to just ask flat out 'did you guys do it, or not?'

_Unfortunately,_ she thought darkly, _he's about as dense as lead – so trying to get anything out of him without actually clubbing him in the head is pointless. Damn idiot. And then there's this whole Suzuhara-is-the-Fourth crap that no one wants to tell Shinji about – as if it'd affect him! Feh… too many damn secrets around here._

Absently, she waved to Hikari, sighing as she spotted the star-chart under the class-rep's right arm.

_Forgot about that,_ she thought disgustedly, resisting the urge to touch the earring Kaji had given her. _Too many secrets… too much to think about._

"Hey Asuka," Hikari said softly, "s'up?"

Asuka shook her head. "Nothing," she sighed gustily, "just thinking about a bunch of junk. What about you? Why are you looking so bummed?"

Giving her a little smile, Hikari replied, "Same reason, I guess… but I think I'm gonna, umm, make Touji a bento – you know, just… just a little something low-key. Do you think he'll get it?"

"Well," Asuka said a bit more venomously than she'd intended, "Shinji seems to like it when Chidori makes them for him."

Hikari, caught up in her own thoughts, missed the note of confused anger in her friend's voice. "Yeah," she said, "but they're already, you know, together. If I make Touji a bento, do you think he'll figure out that I like him?"

"You know what would be a surefire way to make him figure it out?" Asuka asked, dropping her voice conspiratorially low and motioning Hikari closer. "Tell… him."

"I can't," Hikari said awkwardly, "I can't just up and say it – it has to be the right time, or I'll never get up the courage, you know?"

"Nope," Asuka countered immediately, "can't relate. If it was me – and it wouldn't be, because he's an idiot – I'd just tell him I liked him."

"But I'm not like you…"

Sighing, Asuka turned to her friend. "Then do it however you want," she said tiredly. "Go ahead and make him a bento, try to get him to come over to study with you, sneak little comments in about how much you like sports, even when you hate them – and when he ends up dating someone else, come crying back to me and whining about how you _should_ have done this, and you _should _have done that… I'll still be your friend no matter how many times you lose a guy to your own weakness, Hikari, but for _God's sake_, don't ask me for advice you're not going to take, ok?"

Hikari's mouth opened and closed for several seconds before she could manage to gasp, "Th-that's so mean…!"

Asuka leaned closer, putting her mouth right by Hikari's ear. "Listen," she whispered softly, waiting until Hikari stopped muttering about how cruel she was before continuing. "I don't have all the answers, Hikari – if I did, I'd be with the guy I love instead of here with you… but you know something? I know, in my heart, that I did every damn thing I could to be with him, and if I died tomorrow, my conscience would be clear. What about you? Are you happy pining for some guy that'll never notice you?"

"No," Hikari replied instantly, "But I can't just walk up to him and-"

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why can't you?" Asuka demanded, her patience starting to wear thin. "Chidori did it."

"I'm not like that, though!" Hikari protested, "You and-"

Asuka's soft chuckle cut her off mid-sentence.

"So you're saying that little girl is more of a woman than you? You're as strong as you believe, Hikari – that's all I can say. I know I'm not perfect, and I know I'm not better than you… but the biggest difference between us is that I can't stand settling for less than what I think I deserve. Are you going to settle, Hikari, or are you going to _make_ him see you?"

Biting her lip so hard that she nearly drew blood, Hikari nearly sobbed, "I don't know – I don't know how, Asuka!"

Asuka fetched a deep, heartfelt sigh. "If he means enough to you," she said quietly, "you'll find a way."

Hikari averted her eyes, muttering an excuse about needing to be in class early, and rushed off, clutching her star-chart to her chest and nearly knocking several underclassmen to the ground in her hurry to escape Asuka's unflinching, impossible to comprehend logic.

One of the girls Hikari bumped into, Asuka noticed suddenly, was none other than the person she was looking for.

"Hey!" she called out. "Hey, Chidori! Wait up!"

"Oh, Souryu-sempai," the younger girl said warmly, "How are you?"

Asuka shrugged. "Eh, been worse," she muttered, scratching the side of her nose absently. "So, how was your 'gift giving' experience?"

Chidori tripped over her own foot, tottering for a moment before righting herself and glancing around with a nervous expression. "Don't… be so loud," she said awkwardly, leading the other girl over to the shade of a nearby bush. "I don't want people to hear."

"Ah-ha!" Asuka cried, leveling a finger at the girl, "That means that there _is_ something to hear!"

Turning bright red, Chidori stammered, "S-Souryu-sempai! That's… you're embarrassing me!"

Asuka folded her arms over her breasts, taking a step to the side and completely cornering the younger girl. "Good," she said briskly, "you're a slut!" At the look of shock on Chidori's face, Asuka burst out laughing. "K-kidding," she gasped, "I'm kidding! So… come on – give. How… umm… how was it…?"

"That's not funny," Chidori murmured petulantly, "you're so mean to me, Souryu-sempai…"

"Stop stalling," Asuka said dryly, "and quit with the Souryu-sempai crap, would you? It's Asuka – say it with me… ah… ska."

Chidori saluted. "Yes ma'am!"

Her smile grew nervous, though as Asuka simply stared at her, tapping her foot as she impatiently waited for full details of Chidori's date.

"I don't…" Chidori cleared her throat, looking down at her feet as she whispered, "I don't think I should talk about it… it's really private."

Asuka continued to stare, her mind whirling as she reached her own conclusions.

"You guys didn't really do it… did you…?"

Though she had not thought it possible, Asuka saw Chidori's cheeks growing even redder than before. _They DID!_ she thought incredulously. _I thought for sure that she would back down – or that he would, but they really-_

She cut the thought off as Chidori slowly raised her eyes.

"Promise not to tell?"

Asuka nodded. "Swear to God," she said honestly, "I just want to know."

Chidori chewed her bottom lip pensively, searching for the words to describe what had happened the night before. "Well, he came over," she said carefully, "and we went into my room…"

"Uh huh," Asuka prompted, curious beyond reason to know if this girl – this little girl barely out of a training bra – had managed to become a woman before her.

She was to be disappointed.

"We-"

Asuka literally jumped as her cell phone began to ring.

"You've gotta be kidding me…!"

"You should go," Chidori said quietly, "I'll tell you the rest when you get back, ok? Just… just don't tell Shinji I talked about it. I think he'd be mad."

"Screw that!" Asuka grumbled, "Just tell me."

Chidori looked pained. "Souryu-sem-"

"It's Asuka, damn it," the redhead cut in, "don't give me that Sempai crap!"

"But you have to go!" Chidori blurted, "See? There's Ayanami-sempai!"

Asuka turned to find Rei walking her way. "Souryu," the red-eyed girl murmured, "we need to leave… there has been an… incident."

"Damn it!" Asuka muttered. "Fine – Chidori, we'll pick this up _right_ where we left off, as _soon_ as I get back!"

Chidori nodded quickly, wholly intimidated by the redhead's fierce attitude. "Yes ma'am," she squeaked, trying to shrink into the collar of her shirt.

Asuka stormed off, following Rei to where a Section Two car was waiting for them. The drive to NERV was held in silence, as were the preparations for launch, as Asuka tried to wrestle with the burdens she currently held.

_Shinji and Chidori,_ she thought tiredly, _Shinji and Kensuke, Touji and Hikari – how, in the HELL, did I end up in the middle of all this?_ Leaning back in Unit 02's pilot's seat, she reached up and caressed the smooth metal clinging to the rim of her ear. _Kaji,_ she thought, closing her eyes tightly and envisioning the man's face, _tell me what I should do. I'm not the kind of person who sits on the sidelines, damn it! I can't just do nothing!_

Asuka's eyes, now filled with determination, opened.

_…I have to talk to him._

"Shinji."

There was a moment of silence as Asuka waited for a reply. At that moment, she knew, Unit 01 was stationed closest to headquarters, probably preparing to defend the base with everything he had.

_He's such a hero,_ Asuka thought, opening her mouth to call out to him again, _but he can't even get his personal stuff straight. Not that I'm much better… but I should really-_

"An explosion at Matsushiro?" Shinji's voice crackled over the com-net. "Is Misato ok?"

Abruptly, Asuka realized that he might have been on the other com line and not heard her attempt to reach him.

"We don't know, Shinji," Maya's voice replied quietly, "all we know is that there was an explosion, and that there's movement at the site. We should have a visual soon."

Asuka rolled her shoulders, feeling that it was more important than ever that she talk to Shinji – about Chidori, about Touji, about Kaji… everything. Shinji would understand her problem, and she would understand his. It was all so clear. Feelings she had never contemplated before threatened to overwhelm her.

Compassion, affection, need, understanding – all flashed through her, forcing her to realize that out of everyone on the planet, only Shinji could truly understand her… and by the same token, she was the only one that could understand Shinji.

"Hey, Third," she called, "I need to talk to you!"

Shinji's face appeared in a small box marked 'feed from Unit 01' on her heads up display. His eyes were fixed on one of his other monitors, but he was there – he could hear her.

"What is it, Asuka?" he asked, frowning as he monitored his systems.

"We should talk," Asuka said bluntly. "There's a lot going on right now… we should sit down together and see if we can…"

She trailed off, her pride brutally stepping in and killing the words 'help each other' on her lips.

Shinji was not given the chance to reply as Maya abruptly called, "Visual with Mount Matsushiro reestablished… coming online now."

There was a collective gasp as the leering visage of a black Evangelion lurched into view, rounding a mountainside and moving like a zombie with its arms dangling limply at its sides and its face pointing motionlessly ahead. Where it was heading was unmistakable… why it was heading there was cleared up moments later as the Commander made a simple declaration.

"Reclassify the target as the Thirteenth angel… destroy it immediately."

Asuka ignored the immediate explosion of activity in the control room, focusing instead on Shinji's face. _Tell me you know,_ she thought, willing Shinji to look her way, _please tell me someone's told you about Suzuhara by now!_

This, for the moment, seemed to be the most important thing. She wanted Shinji to know her – to be her friend, when all was said and done… but if she wanted him to understand her, she would need to take the first step and offer him something first.

_Give and take,_ she thought seriously, _that's what I want, Shinji… give and take._

Shinji, however, continued to watch his other screens. "Does that have a pilot in it?"

Asuka paled. "You still don't know!" she hissed.

"The angel is advancing," Maya cried, "Asuka, it's moving towards you!"

"Know what?" Shinji asked, finally turning his attention to the box marked 'feed from Unit 02.'

Asuka licked her lips, preparing to tell him everything.

"The Fourth Child is-"

It was too late, Asuka realized as Unit 02 was rocked off of its feet by a massive blow. Too late to tell Shinji about Touji, too late to talk about her problems, too late to help him patch things up with Kensuke, too late for everything. She screamed, kicking Unit 02 to its feet and drawing her progressive knife… but as she stared at the renegade Unit 03, all she could see was Shinji's face – and the face she knew he would wear when he found out that she had killed his best friend.

As Unit 03 charged, Asuka's determination wavered… and then it truly was too late.

( 0 0 0 )

It was strange, Hikari mused, how used to the smell of a hospital you could get if you spent enough time in one. When she was younger, her older sister Kodama's appendix had burst, and she had been rushed to the emergency room, when it was discovered that she had a fibroid tumor in her stomach. Fortunately, it had proven to be benign, but Kodama had been forced to stay in the hospital for several days due to an adverse reaction to the anesthetic she had been given.

Hikari had visited her every single day.

_That had all come out ok, though,_ she thought now, staring down at the conspicuously empty space where Touji's left leg should have been lifting the bed sheet. _Oh Touji… why didn't you tell me? Maybe I couldn't have stopped this, but if I'd known… if I'd known, I would have taken Asuka's advice – I really would have!_

She shifted on the uncomfortable chair, glancing at the empty bed next to Touji's.

"Ikari," she whispered, remembering how forlorn the boy had looked when she had seen him last, "Ikari – what happened between you guys? What happened to all of us? We used to be friends, right…? Now it's all…" she sighed, rubbing her face with both hands, "now it's all screwed up."

How long, she wondered suddenly, had it been since they had all eaten lunch together, or just hung out and talked? It wasn't that hard to pinpoint the exact moment things had started to go wrong – it was the very moment Chidori Souske had entered the picture and fallen in love with Shinji.

_No wonder Aida hates her,_ Hikari thought sadly, watching Touji's face as he slowly shook his head, clearly caught up in some dream or other. _But it was starting to fall apart before that, wasn't it? Just little fractures here and there… but weren't we already starting to hang out less and less? Asuka, Shinji, Rei… they all live so differently from us that it's hard to relate to them, so even as we started to become better friends, we also started to pull back, because what we saw just past the surface was so dark and terrifying that we wanted to run and hide. Maybe it's better this way,_ she thought guiltily, _with you getting hurt now… you don't have to face everything they faced. Maybe you'll get to stay the same, and I can- _

"Uhhh…"

Hikari sat bolt upright, quickly brushing at her eyes to ensure that they were dry as Touji slowly blinked himself awake. "Good morning," she said softly, giving a little wave to draw his attention.

"Oh, it's the class rep," Touji croaked, clearing his throat as he put one hand on his head. "Is my homework late or something, cuz I gotta tell you – I really need an extension…"

Laughing nervously at the ill-placed humor, Hikari said, "Well, you know me… have to keep tabs on everyone in class."

_Stupid!_ she berated herself, forcing her smile to stay in place. _That was a PERFECT chance to say something smooth like, 'Take all the time you want, as long as you're studying at my house,' or, 'I can't give you an extension, but I can give you a kiss.' God,_ she thought dismally, _those aren't smooth – they're just slutty… but anything's better than the crap I'm spitting out._

Abruptly, she realized that the silence was starting to thicken.

"Hey," she said guiltily, noticing that Touji's eyes were starting to close, "umm… is there anything, er… are you… ok?"

Touji looked at her like she was crazy, but as he opened his mouth to say 'is that a trick question,' a spasm shot through him, twisting his face into a mask of pain. "I'm ok," he said quickly, less to answer her question than to get her back into her seat – which she had all but leapt out of. "I'm ok, Hikari…"

_He said my name…_

Before Hikari could stop herself, words started pouring out of her mouth. "Remember that star chart?" she said, forcing a smile and pretending nothing in the world was wrong. "You know – the one we were supposed to work on together?"

"Yeah," Touji said listlessly, thankful that she was not crying or screaming for the nurse. "Guess I won't be getting an A on that, huh…?"

Hikari uttered a short, nervous laugh. "N-no," she stammered, "I, umm… I guess not. But I was… I was looking up the… the goddesses and everything, and I… found out that… Cassiopeia isn't the goddess of love – she wasn't even a goddess at all. Funny, huh? I'll probably get a B… I've never gotten a B in my life…"

Completely lost as to what, exactly, the girl was talking about, Touji simply muttered, "Umm… sorry…"

_It wasn't supposed to be like this,_ Hikari's mind railed, _I've got to tell him how I feel. Oh God why can't I just say it?_

"Hey Class Rep?" Touji said quietly.

"Yeah?" Hikari asked, leaning closer.

"Can you… tell my sister that nothing's wrong?"

"Of course," Hikari whispered, clenching her eyes closed to fight the tears his simple request brought forth, "I'll go right after I leave here…"

"Thanks…"

"Hey Touji?"

Touji blinked, looking back to the girl. _Is that the first time she's used my name?_ he thought tiredly, struggling with the haze of painkillers and sadness, _Feels like it..._

_Say it!_ Hikari's mind screamed, _Just say, 'I like you, Touji, I want to go out with you.' Who cares about timing? Who cares if this is 'the right place?' Who cares about any of that stuff – I have to say it, I have to tell him now, or I might not ever be able to!_

"Touji…"

_JUST SAY IT!_

"Yeah?"

"Can I… come visit you again?"

Touji closed his eyes, feeling oddly disappointed. "Yeah," he muttered distractedly, "yeah, sure."

_What did you think she'd say?_ he thought wryly. _Not like she'd confess her love, you moron – hell, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever even heard of her liking a guy. Not that I'd mind, or anything… I just… man I'm tired…_

Hikari's shoulders slumped as the boy's eyes remained closed and his breathing deepened. "I'll get going now," she said quietly, sliding to the edge of her seat, "I'll go tell Kimiko you're fine, ok?" She waited for a reply, but she knew there would be none. The drugs in Touji's system had rendered him unconscious once more. "Hey Touji," Hikari murmured, glancing quickly around the room and leaning further over his bed.

_I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this…_

"Touji…"

Abruptly, the girl rose to her feet, striding quickly to the door and engaging the lock. As quietly as she could, she walked back over to the bed, took a deep breath, and quickly pressed her lips to his. It was the most daring thing she had ever done, and even though the kiss lasted less than ten seconds, she was shaking and breathless when she pull back, her eyes darting guiltily around the room.

"Someday," she promised, gently caressing Touji's face with her right palm. "Someday I'll do that when you're awake, ok? I'll figure out how to tell you how great you are – no matter what Asuka thinks." Reluctantly, she stepped back from the bed. "You just be patient with me, ok? I'm doing the best I can, just wait for me, Touji… please."

Quietly, she walked back to the door and unlocked it, opening it just in time to find the nurse reaching for the handle. Blushing brightly, Hikari apologized, telling the nurse that Touji had fallen asleep and asking where she might find the room for one Kimiko Suzuhara. Thanking the woman, she hurried off to find Touji's sister.

She still had a lie to tell. She still had a promise to keep.

( 0 0 0 )

It was amazing, Shinji thought dismally, how much stuff a single person could acquire over a few short months. When he had come to Tokyo-3, he had nothing more than a backpack full of clothes, a folder marked NERV, and a picture of the woman who was supposed to pick him up.

The backpack had gotten torn, the folder had been shredded (for security reasons), and Misato's picture had been pilfered by Kensuke – in the name of art, of course… but somehow, Shinji had managed to gather an entire room full of objects and clothes he now considered 'his.'

Staring at the open suitcase on his bed, he barely knew where to start.

"It can't _all_ come," he whispered to himself, opening a dresser drawer and pulling out a handful of socks. "Guess I'll just take a couple essentials and…"

_And what…?_ he thought suddenly. _Go where? Back to my teacher's? I could, I guess… I don't think he'd mind having me – but somehow, I don't think I could face him._

Shinji closed his eyes.

_Just like I can't face her._

Stuffing the socks into his suitcase, Shinji thought back to the conversation he had less than an hour prior.

_"You're asking me to hurt my daughter,"_ he could hear Myakka's voice echoing dangerously in his ear, _"That's what it comes down to, Ikari-san."_

_"Not hurting,"_ Shinji had countered desperately, _"saving! Get her away from here, Misses Souske – get her away from me. If you love your daughter, please… please just take her and leave. Today. Now. I've… this is my life's savings – use it to get out of town NOW… before it's too late… before she gets killed…"_

It must have been his urgency that swayed her, Shinji mused, sighing as he picked up a picture of him and Chidori sitting on the couch. Myakka was a stubborn woman, but Shinji knew her weak spot, and had attacked it mercilessly, preying on her fear of losing her daughter until she had not choice but to agree that Chidori would be safe elsewhere.

Misato would have been proud.

_Sorry, Chidori,_ he thought, shaking his head sadly as he cast around for other things to pack, _I-_

He gasped as he caught sight of someone standing just inside of his doorway. "How-"

"Was it you?" Chidori blurted, her hands trembling as they hung limply at her sides. "Did you do this, Shinji-sama…?"

Shinji's eyes shot to the hallway, catching sight of a mass of red hair just as it vanished around the corner. _Of course,_ he thought tiredly.

"Chidori," he said, forcing his voice to stay low and neutral, "shouldn't you be packing right now?"

Chidori let out a small, pitiful whimper. "I'm staying," she said, struggling to sound defiant, but only succeeding in sounding scared. "Shinji, after last weekend… I thought you understood how much I love you…"

Shinji kept his eyes averted. "Oh, you mean our little date?" he said, forcing himself to be cruel. "I told you when I was leaving that you and your mother should go somewhere safe… did you think I was kidding, or that I wouldn't make sure it happened? Yeah, I did do this, Chidori – I told her she should leave and take you with. So get going."

Chidori was silent for a moment, leaving Shinji plenty of time to stew in his own guilt. _Why can't you see that this is the best way?_ he thought agonizingly. _I just want you to be safe… and I can't make sure of that anymore. Ha! Not that I ever could before, but now…?_

Behind him, Chidori cleared her throat, collecting her thoughts for a moment before whispering, "…we almost made love that night. You… you said that someday we would finish the rest."

Seeing an opportunity, Shinji steeled himself. "I only said that because I thought you wanted me to."

Chidori paled. "B-but the first time you kissed me," she began uncertainly, trying desperately to hold on to her composure, "you were so gentle with me, you touched me so… so soft – that couldn't have been fake, it just couldn-"

"I did it," Shinji cut in, feeling sick to his stomach, "because I thought you wanted me to."

"So you never… felt anything for me?"

Shinji was glad that she could not see his face, because he was certain that his damp eyes would give him away. "You told me I didn't have to," he said coolly, "so I didn't. I don't hate you, Chidori…" he took a deep breath to make absolutely sure that his voice was even, then whispered, "but I don't love you. And you need to go with your mother, because there's no reason for you to stay here anymore, do you understand?"

He barely kept himself from flinching as a miserable sob pierced the air behind him. _God,_ he thought, clenching his eyes closed, _God forgive me. I hope you can understand someday, oh Chidori I hope you can-_

"Bastard…"

Slowly, Shinji opened his eyes. "What…?"

Chidori's voice was shaking and uneven, but she still managed to push the words past her lips. "You're a bastard," she said shakily, clenching her hands into fists, "a selfish, hateful, insensitive BASTARD!"

Shinji winced as the girl quickly crossed the space between them and began pounding her fists into his back, making small, angry whimpers in the back of her throat as she took out all of her frustrations on his still-turned back.

"How can you be so cruel?" she demanded, her voice hitching as her blows grew weaker and weaker. "I only wanted to be with you, that's all… was I asking that much? I just… wanted to be with the person I love – why is that so wrong!"

Bowing his head, Shinji whispered, "It isn't wrong, Chidori… but I-"

"Don't you DARE say you don't love me!" Chidori screamed, giving him one last, feeble hit before slumping weakly against his back. "Don't you dare! I know you do, I've seen it – I've FELT it! Why can't you just SAY it?"

Shinji swallowed several times, but for some reason, he could not get the lump out of his throat in order to reply.

Slowly, Chidori's wretched sobs subsided, leaving her breathless and spent as she leaned on him for support. Finally, after what felt like forever, she pulled away from him, hating him for pushing her away… hating herself for letting him. "Sayonara, koibito-kun," she whispered hollowly.

As the door to his room slid closed, Shinji slowly turned around, staring at the empty space where Chidori used to be and uselessly whispering, "…don't go."

Silence was his only reply.

( 0 0 0 )

Leaning his head back against the thick bulkhead behind him, Kensuke let out a long, deep sigh. "This," he said dully, "is what's called irony, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Shinji agreed softly, "I think it is…"

The shelter rumbled, shaking dust from the steel support beams overhead as families and couples huddled closer together. "Sounds like the fighting's close," Kensuke observed, resting one arm on his right knee and sticking his left leg out in front of him in a position of relaxation. "Kinda sucks being helpless, huh?"

Again, Shinji whispered, "Yeah… it does."

_What are the odds,_ Kensuke thought, stealing a look at his friend's downcast face, _what are the odds we'd end up in the same shelter? It's like something out of a movie or something. I mean, we do live kind of close to each other, so we'd go to the same place… but still, finding anyone in one of these meat lockers is almost impossible._ He grinned suddenly. _Maybe it's fate,_ he thought, shaking his head in disgust, _God, that sounds like something out of a movie, too…_

"So, you're leaving…?"

Shinji nodded, keeping his head down as the shelter rocked again.

"Won't that make Chidori cry?"

"Do you care?" Shinji asked softly. "You hate her, right?"

Kensuke shrugged. "Yeah, I do," he said coolly, "but I know you like her, so… I guess it doesn't really matter what I think of her, right?"

Finally, Shinji raised his head, but it was only to rest it against the bulkhead like Kensuke. "You don't have to worry about it now," he said quietly. "I'm leaving… she's leaving… we're not together anymore."

"Ah."

Kensuke chewed on this for a moment, glancing down at his beloved camera as he thought and noticing belatedly that the power indicator was not lit. _Huh,_ he thought with detached interest, _looks like it got broken. Funny… I should care…_

"…can I say I'm sorry, or do you even care?"

Shinji closed his eyes. "I care," he said, "but like I said, it won't change anything."

"I'm not saying sorry for being mean to her, you know," Kensuke clarified, "just so you know. I'm just saying sorry for avoiding you and stuff."

"Why do you hate her so much?" Shinji asked. "She never did anything to you, but you were mean to her from the moment you met."

Kensuke mumbled something that sounded like, 'I'd met her before,' but when Shinji asked him to repeat himself, the spectacled boy whispered, "I don't know, man… that's the thing. I really don't know. At first I just didn't like her because I thought she was up to something… then I didn't like her because it was like she was taking you away and stuff… but now? Maybe it's all that stuff mixed up in my head, you know? Like all that stupid stuff merged and became something new… God, this sounds so lame – I don't even know what I'm saying."

"Do you hate me, too?"

Kensuke flinched. "No," he said quietly, "I never hated you, Shinji. I was mad that you wouldn't see my side of things and kept spending time with that girl, but I never hated you."

Frowning, Shinji opened his eyes. "But you said you don't even know why you hate her," he pointed out, "how could I see your side?"

"I didn't say it made sense," Kensuke murmured, sounding awkward and ashamed, "maybe when everything's over and she comes back, I'll figure out what it is that bugs me about her and work it… what, why are you shaking your head?"

"She won't be back," Shinji said simply. "I told her to go."

Kensuke bit his tongue, not knowing quite what to say.

"The one person to ever say they loved me," Shinji whispered, hugging his knees tight to his chest as his eyes went distant and hazy, "and I sent her away. She won't be back, Kensuke."

The certainty in his friend's voice made Kensuke literally sick to his stomach. "Hey," he said nervously, "it's… people bounce back, man – that's what makes humans so special. You did what you had to do to get her out of danger… that makes you a hero, you know? If she can't see that, then she doesn't deserve to be with you."

"I don't feel like one," Shinji said miserably, "I feel-"

The shelter rocked as something enormous smashed into it. Instinctively, Shinji threw his arms up to cover his face, coughing as huge clouds of dust and mortar were kicked up by the impact.

"Wh-what was… that…?" he coughed, blinking to clear his streaming eyes.

His mouth hung open as he stared at the object projecting through the southern wall of the shelter. Familiar green eyes gazed at the far wall, looking for all the world like a thoughtful, quadoptic child wondering why it had been sent to its room. The clean lines just under the machine's chin were now ragged and dripping with vaguely purple-ish blood, and Shinji noticed – with a wave of nausea – that several people had been crushed under the rubble.

He looked away. "Asuka," he whispered, recalling suddenly the redhead's frantic attempts to talk to him just before the thirteenth angel, "damn it… damn it, damn it DAMN IT!"

"Shin…ji…"

Shinji's blood froze in his veins, and he turned, sure that he would find his friend bleeding to death from some horrible injury. _God, no, please,_ he thought desperately, _my fault – it would be my fault… just like all those people over there, his death would be on my hands!_

He nearly sobbed with relief as he found Kensuke nearly unscathed. "That HURT!" his friend groaned, rubbing the back of his head and pulling his hand away red with a trickle of blood. "That's gonna be a big goddamn lump," he said, shaking his head to clear it, "you ok?"

Still weak with relief, Shinji could barely nod.

"Alright," Kensuke moaned, forcing himself to his feet, "we should get to another shelter… we're totally exposed here." He offered Shinji a hand up. "Looks like Souryu got her ass kicked," he observed softly, "so it's all up to Ayanami, huh?"

"No," Shinji said, clutching his head, "Unit 00's missing an arm – she'd get slaughtered!"

There was a long, deep silence, broken when Kensuke quietly whispered, "Oh."

"Oh!" Shinji's head shot up. "'Oh'? that's all you're going to say? Everyone might die, and all you can come up with is 'oh'!"

Slowly, Kensuke reached up and pulled off his glasses, rubbing them with his shirt to clean the dust off of them as he murmured, "I'm not a pilot, Shinji… there's nothing I CAN do. All I can do is put my faith in Ayanami and pray that she can do it." He shrugged. "What good is freaking out going to do for me? I can't fight an angel." Surveying the damage for a moment, he turned around and sank back down to the floor, lacing his hands behind his head and letting out a long, deep sigh.

"It's funny, you know," he said thoughtfully, "everything we were talking about just now? I just realized how stupid it all is. We could die any minute of any day, and still people find time to hate and distrust each other. If I ever have kids – if I live long enough to have kids, I guess – I wonder if they're going to hate me for bringing them into this stupid world… or if they'll thank me for being cowardly enough to hide in a shelter and survive while others were getting pounded into dust."

Shinji's throat was tight, but he still managed to whisper, "You think I should go and fight."

Kensuke snorted. "God, you're self-centered," he chuckled. "I didn't say one word about EVA and suddenly, it's all about you. Look, Shinji… if you don't think you can fight, then don't – you'll just be killing yourself if you go out there in the wrong mindset. Believe me, I've read a LOT about war." He closed his eyes. "I won't lie," he said lightly, "I hope you do fight, because you always kick ass, but I don't want to see you run off and get killed. If you can't hack it, I'd rather have you here with me so I don't have to be alone."

Shinji stared at the floor for a long, long time, but before he could speak, Kensuke added one last thought to his speech.

"Of course… if I loved a girl, and I knew she was going to die if I sat around doing nothing – even if I knew I'd never get to be with her – I'd be running as fast as I could to go protect her. That's just me."

Since his eyes were closed, Kensuke only had the muffled thump of Shinji's backpack hitting the floor, followed by the rapidly dwindling sound of shoes on concrete, to tell him what the Third Child's ultimate decision had been.

"I'm sorry," Kensuke whispered, knowing the words would never reach his friend, but feeling that he needed to speak them anyway. "I'm sorry I lied to you. The truth is that I-"

An explosion on a nearby hilltop rocked the shelter, drowning Kensuke's words and rendering his confession incomprehensible to anyone standing more than five inches away from him and consigning the truth of the matter forever to the dark confines of his jealous heart.

( 0 0 0 )

Myakka stared at the wall on the opposite side of her new, spacious kitchen. Rentals in Tokyo-2 were more expensive, of course, as in Tokyo-3 realtors practically gave space away just to have tenants, but with her salary, this place was not too bad… and besides, maybe a larger space would help Chidori forget her heartache.

_I can't believe I let that boy talk me into leaving,_ Myakka thought ruefully, idly stroking the puzzle piece in her hand as she absently shook her head from side to side. _He truly is his father's son. Relentless, cool, objective – who ever thought that boy would be like that…_ she bowed her head, blinking quickly as she thought, _who ever thought I would help him destroy my daughter…_

Through her connections in Tokyo-3, Myakka knew what had become of the unfortunate Third Child. She knew all about the angel fight, the damage to Units 00, 02, and the Geofront. She even knew a bit about ego border loss, though when she had been in Gehrein, it had not been her specialty.

Myakka knew more about the workings of NERV than many high-level employees. "For you," she whispered to herself setting the puzzle piece down and reaching for her coffee, "I kept my finger on the pulse of that awful beast from the day you told me about 'the boy you like,' without ever batting an eyelash, Chidori… if you only knew how many favors I called in to make sure you were safe – and for what? Just to have him show me how foolish I was for ever staying in that cursed city and risking your life."

Lifting the mug to her lips, Myakka made a face, slamming it back down with enough force to make the puzzle in front of her jump. _Cold,_ she thought bitterly, _God, how long have I been sitting here?_

With a sigh, she pushed away from the table, walking to the front door of the house and glancing through the window. Seeing the same face on the other side, she heaved a huge sigh. "You're not leaving, are you?" she muttered through the glass.

"No ma'am," came the calm reply, "not until I've talked to Chidori."

"I could just leave you out there all night," Myakka observed, "or call the police."

There was a soft laugh. "You could do either," was the answer to her hollow threat, "but remember that even here, NERV has connections… I would be right back on your doorstep tomorrow – maybe by the end of the day, if you're really lucky."

Myakka let out another, deeper sigh. "Fine, come in," she said quietly, "she's upstairs."

"Thank you."

She watched as her guest mounted the stairs, feeling the oddest mix of envy and sadness as she thought, _What__ friends you have, Ikari-san… I hope, for your sake, that they know what they're doing._

Up in her room, Chidori lay on her bed, humming idly as she paged through a teen magazine. In the four weeks since leaving Tokyo-3, she had learned two things – first, that the human animal can adapt to any change. Second, that having one's heart broken is not a change… it's a life-altering event.

The distinction was important, she told herself from time to time, because while a change is an outside influence that requires adjustment and adaptation, a modification is a rearranging of your soul… and no matter how you try, you cannot ignore what is in your soul.

_I wonder where you went, Shinji-sama,_ she mused, closing her magazine and resting her chin on the corner of her bed. _I found out how you gave up being a pilot, but did you leave Tokyo-3? If I ran away and came to find out… would you even be there…?_

She looked up as a soft knock sounded on her door. "Coming," she called, climbing out of bed with a small frown.

It couldn't be her mother… she would not knock.

_"It's my house,"_ she had told Chidori once, _"I don't have to knock on doors in my own damn house."_

_I heard the doorbell like, an hour ago, _she thought as she reached for her doorknob, _but I thought­-_

What she thought was blasted away as she opened her door, finding herself face to face with a vaguely familiar man of about thirty. It took her a moment to remember where she knew him from, and to bring his name to mind.

"Kaji-san!" Chidori exclaimed. "Umm… why are you here?"

Kaji smiled as if amused by something he had just thought of. "Because I never could say no to that smile," he whispered to himself. Raising his head, he met Chidori's confused eyes. "Normally, I'd beat around the bush and avoid the subject as long as I could," he said bluntly, "but it was a long flight, and I'm tired as hell – for a lot of reasons… so I'll just tell you straight out that Shinji's been hurt and Major Katsuragi wants you to come back to Tokyo-3."

Chidori pulled her gaze away from the man's intensely piercing stare. "I c-can't do that," she stammered awkwardly, "Shinji-sama told me to go – I have to respect his wishes. He… he doesn't want to see me…"

Kaji sighed. "Maybe he doesn't _want_ to," he said casually, studying the backs of his fingernails as if they were terribly fascinating, "but did it ever occur to you that he might _need _to?"

"Well I needed him," Chidori said a bit sulkily, "and all I got was hurt."

"You know," the man said easily, "I know the whole 'to have loved and lost' routine better than you'd think."

Chidori shifted awkwardly. "Then you should know how I feel," she said quietly, "and… why I can't go back."

Kaji nodded. "I do," he said honestly, "I can see exactly why you'd never want to see Shinji again in your life, but see, here's the thing – there's been an… accident."

In spite of her mask of indifference, Chidori's eyes were sharp as she asked, "What kind of accident?"

"An EVA kind of accident."

"…I don't understand."

Smiling faintly, Kaji whispered, "You don't really want to, Miss Souske, believe me…but since you should probably know what's going on I'll tell you." He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to say. "Shinji's trapped inside of Unit 01, and Major Katsuragi thinks that you – because of your relationship – might be able to bring him back."

Chidori's face went pale. "That's impossible," she said quickly – almost hopefully, "he gave up piloting."

Kaji shrugged. "Well," he said evenly, "he did it one more time, and now he's trapped."

"Is he… does it hurt?"

Though he truly had no idea one way or the other, Kaji nodded. "Probably," he said smoothly, "I don't think having your body torn into its separate, component molecules would feel GREAT."

Chidori slumped against her bedroom door. "His body was… oh God…"

Kaji felt a pang of regret at being so forward, but he knew it could not be helped. This was not a time to be delicate or take peoples' feelings into consideration – a life was at stake… and he had promised a certain young lady to do everything in his power to save it.

She deserved nothing less – especially since she was carrying his secret.

"Will you come back with me?" he asked gently, putting a hand on Chidori's shoulder. "We're not entirely sure if you being there will help, but Major Katsuragi thinks it could be the key to bringing him back – and I don't know about you, but I'm sick of watching people I care for getting hurt."

Biting her lip pensively, Chidori whispered, "He told me to leave, Kaji-san… he said he never cared about me."

Without a moment's hesitation, Kaji replied, "So? No one said you have to stay – just see if we can bring him back, that's all. After that, what you do is your choice."

Chidori looked pained. "But… but he said-"

"I'm leaving now," Kaji announced abruptly, "I've told you what might happen if you come, and you know what WILL happen if you don't. The rest is up to you, Chidori-chan."

The man gave her a bow, and then turned away, starting for the stairs without a backward glance. He hated to force the girl's decision, but the uncertainty was driving him crazy… and he had already spent too much time away from his endeavors to wait any longer.

_If it was Misato… or Asuka – I would have shoved her out of the way to go help,_ he thought disgustedly, _love – ha , you don't know what love is if you'll sit around pouting while someone you say you care for is in pain._

"…wait."

Stopping less than three feet from the stairway, Kaji glanced back over his shoulder. "Yes, Miss Souske?"

Chidori took a deep breath, running a hand through her hair to collect her thoughts for a moment before speaking. "He told me to leave," she said carefully, "so I can't… stay, if he doesn't want me to." She met Kaji's eyes steadily. "But if you think for one second I wouldn't come to save him, you're insane. I'll leave when I know he's safe, but-"

"Don't say another word," Kaji said, raising one hand to cut the girl off, but giving her a warm smile. "You're babbling… and I know what you mean, so you're wasting your breath – and time. Come on," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "let's go save him."

( 0 0 0 )

"Aren't we ready yet?"

Misato rubbed her tired eyes. It had been the longest month of her life. _First this business with Shinji,_ she thought miserably, _then Asuka goes and locks herself in her room, only coming out when I'm in bed… and Chidori – what a long shot bringing her here was…_

She had thought, after talking to Ritsuko, that having Chidori there might help Shinji find his way back… but after four days of having her on the gantry in plain sight of Unit 01's optics, nothing had happened – nothing at all. The girl was stoic, Misato could see that, but she was also tired, and worn, and clearly in a lot of pain over something she would not discuss.

Of course, it was not hard to figure out that Shinji had told her to leave. It was the obvious solution. _If it was me, I would have sent her away months ago,_ Misato thought, nodding as the young woman returned from the washroom and reclaimed her spot in front of Unit 01. _She's a trooper, though…_

"You doing ok?"

Chidori glanced over her shoulder, giving Misato a smile. "Little tired," she admitted, covering her mouth to stifle a yawn, "I'll be fine."

"We're ready to try again," one of the technicians – a dark haired woman Chidori could never remember the name of – said quietly, "Chidori-chan…? Whenever you're ready."

Chidori nodded. _This is the… man, I can't even remember how many tests we've done so far,_ she thought, fighting off a wave of dizziness. _So tired… I'm so… tired…_

Though she hid it very well, the girl was practically dead on her feet. She had been awake practically since Mister Kaji had come to bring her back, sleeping only in fits and starts and waking up bathed in sweat as visions of Shinji being torn apart sent unconsciousness spinning away like a toy slapped from a disobedient child's hand.

The experiment this time would be the same as the countless ones before it – appeal to Shinji to return while sending low levels of power into the entry plug, theoretically stimulating the spontaneous reassembly of his body. It sounded like science fiction to Chidori, but then again, the idea of a living, breathing, biomechanical weapon whose pilot was shoved into the spinal column and linked to its nervous system was not exactly run-of-the-mill, either.

Chidori cleared her mind, deciding on a slightly different approach this time.

"Umm, Miss… Miss Eva…? Ma'am…?" she said slowly, twisting the front of her skirt in her hands as the others looked on with varying degrees of hopefulness. "Can you… please, I need him back. Shinji is all that matters to me in this world, Ma'am… please bring him back to me – I can't live without him anymore."

The horrible, inhuman mask of Evangelion Unit 01 stared impassively down at the girl, it's craggy, metallic features unmoved by anything even remotely resembling human emotion.

Chidori swallowed, her voice nearly vanishing under the weight of the silence all around her. "He's the only person I've ever felt this way about," she whispered, forcing herself to keep looking at the robot. "I know I can't be with him – I know it – but you can't… you just can't keep him. Please, he… _I_ need to know that he's ok…"

"Anything?" she heard someone murmur softly.

"No ma'am," came the reply, "we're still reading a sepia pattern."

"Recalibrate by point six amperes and keep trying… there has to be something we can do to…"

Chidori tuned their murmuring conversation out, closing her eyes and focusing all of her attention on what she had to do.

"I don't want you to go," she said, shocking herself with the level, cold authority she exuded. "Shinji, please… don't leave it like this. I just want you to come back, even if you still don't ever want to see me again, you have to know that I care for you."

Sudden, irrational rage boiled up inside of Chidori's stomach, blinding her with its intensity. It was so unfair – so goddamned unfair! Not only was she denied the affection of the one she loved most, she was refused the simple, basic knowledge that he would be ok. Regardless of how their relationship had ended, she still wished him nothing but happiness – and this thing, this gruesome parody of a monstrous human, had taken even that from her.

It was more than she could bear.

"I won't LET you leave me!" she screamed, pounding on the railing and ignoring the shooting pain racing up her arms as everyone around her jumped. "Do you hear me, Shinji? You can't go until I say so! I don't care if you love me – I won't let go of you without a fight! Come back. You need to! You OWE me! You HAVE to let me know you're ok, Shinji, you HAVE to, do you hear me!"

From the control console, she heard the blonde woman – Akagi – murmur, "Get her out of here – this isn't helping…"

"No!"

Chidori wrapped her hands around the cold steel of the railing, shaking her head violently as a pair of security guards jogged towards her. Tears streamed down her face as she forced her small hands to hold as tightly as they could.

"Shinji – PLEASE! You have to come back!"

One of the security officers wrapped an arm around the girl's stomach, pulling her gently, but insistently away from the EVA.

"No," Chidori sobbed, "no, don't take him away from me! Shinji – SHINJIII!"

Strong hands pried her fingers from the railing. Chidori fought as hard as she could to hold on, but after several moments of tugging, she was forced to let go. With no recourse left her, Chidori turned her anger on the security officers, awkwardly kicking and slapping them as they hustled her towards the door.

"Ow – damn it!" one of the officers cried. "She BIT me!"

With every step, Unit 01 seemed to draw back a thousand yards, growing further and further from her until finally, Chidori imagined it to be miles and miles away. Summoning the last of her flagging strength, she dug in with her heels and threw her head back, screaming with all of her might as the shocked security officers clamped their hands over their ears.

**_"SHINJI!"_**

That cry, so full of pain and sadness that it seemed to have a life of its own, echoed and reverberated through the EVA cage. It bounced off of scaffolding, skimmed across the rippling pool of coolant, and ricocheted off of consoles and control panels until it seemed to be coming from everywhere – a chorus of a thousand mourning birds, wailing an unearthly song of loss and loneliness until finally… silence returned.

Her strength spent, Chidori sank to her knees, too weak even to cry, let alone resist as the guards gently slid their hands under her arms and lifted her back to her feet. _I'm sorry,_ she thought tiredly, bowing her head as she was led to the door, _Shinji… I'm sorry…_

"M-ma'am…?"

"Hmm?"

"…I think you should see this."

Chidori was so lost in her misery that she never noticed the two guards letting her go. Everything was so hazy and clouded to her eyes that she barely paid attention to the direction she was heading, so she had no way of knowing that it was Misato at her side now, nor that they were heading slowly back towards the control console the woman named Akagi was stationed, barking orders to the collected technicians as if she had just been instructed to build a second GeoFront with only the people currently assembled.

No, Chidori was far too lost in her own thoughts and shame to notice the hum of activity that had replaced the lethargy filling the room not five minutes prior, and even had she heard the sound of the entry plug spiraling out of Unit 01's back, she would not have known what it meant.

What finally brought her attention back to reality was the soft hand gently lifting her downcast chin. Blinking back the tears that had finally found their way to the surface, she found herself face to face with Major Katsuragi, wondering why in the world the purple-haired woman would be smiling at her. _Do you even have a heart?_ she thought bitterly. _Shinji's gone now! I-_

The thought was interrupted as Misato stepped to the side, giving Chidori an unobstructed view of the open and very much occupied entry plug for Unit 01.

"You did it…"

Colors swirled through Chidori's mind – a confused rainbow of skin tones and shining, damp hair – before the shock and weariness washed over her… and everything faded to black.

( 0 0 0 )

Consciousness returned to Shinji like a pinprick made in black velvet – nothing but a minute puncture in the unbroken darkness of his slumber. He floated, for a time, in muzzy warmth, trying to recall exactly what had happened to him last. He remembered the angel… and the rage… and the feeling of helplessness at being unable to win. Then, nothing.

_But there was, wasn't there?_ he thought, his brow furrowing as he struggled to remember the particulars. _There was… father. Memories… mother, I remember… mother. And wasn't there-_

"Well that's a scary face."

Shinji's breath caught in his throat.

"Ch-chidori…?"

He opened his eyes, barely daring to hope.

"Oh," he sighed, "it's you, Asuka…"

The Second rolled her eyes. "Wow," she said dryly, "what a warm welcome. Nice to see you too, Ikari-sama."

Shinji flushed. "S-sorry," he stammered, "I just… I thought I heard her calling me."

The hospital room, sadly, was no longer unfamiliar to him. Its unrelieved white walls, rows of medical equipment (some of it more familiar, unfortunately, than others), and sterile, aesthetically unpleasant ceiling, devoid of so much as a crack to draw the eye, all conspired to remind Shinji of every single time he had been in it – or one exactly like it.

Then again, Asuka was there this time – and that, in itself, was unique.

"You think she'd call out for you after the way you dumped her?"

Shinji winced.

Maybe having Asuka there wasn't that great after all.

"No," he said softly, "it was just part of my dream."

Asuka leaned forward, her eyes intense as she whispered, "But you HEARD her, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Shinji replied hesitantly, "I mean, I thought I did. Stupid, huh?"

The response was immediate. "Yup – stupid as hell," Asuka said bluntly. "You're an idiot for even thinking she'd ever say your name out loud… without cursing I mean."

Shinji closed his eyes. "Why are you here?" he asked tiredly. "Shouldn't you be bugging Kaji, or something?"

After ten seconds of dead silence, he knew that this was the wrong thing to say. He drew a breath, fully intending to eat his words – and his pride – but Asuka spoke before he could say a word.

"Kaji's leaving soon… I think. He hasn't been around much, and… and I think he might be in trouble."

Shinji bit his bottom lip, opening his eyes to regard the girl for a moment before saying, "Is there, umm… are you ok?"

Slowly, Asuka raised her eyes from where they had been focused on the floor. "It doesn't matter," she said quietly, "there's nothing either of us can do to help him, so…" Absently, she brushed her hair back over her ear, exposing that strange earring of hers for a moment before covering it once more. "Why do you care, anyway? Don't you have enough on your mind?"

Blushing, Shinji averted his eyes. "I don't know," he said honestly, "it just… I don't like seeing anyone in pain, I guess."

"So it's not just because it's me?"

"That's not what I meant!" Shinji said quickly, "I-"

"Shinji."

"Huh?"

Asuka leaned forward, moving close enough that Shinji could smell the mint of her toothpaste… before reaching out and flicking him in the head with the tip of her middle finger.

"Ow!" he cried, rubbing his stinging forehead. "What was that for?"

Rising to her feet, Asuka straightened her skirt. "Don't be an idiot," she said absently, "I'm not going to get all weepy and sob about how I'm glad you care about me. It's enough for me to know that you do – I'm not going to make you say 'can we be friends?' out loud."

"I wasn't going to," Shinji blurted.

For the first time since he woke up, Shinji found Asuka smiling at him. "Yes you were," she said mischievously. "Maybe not right now, but sooner or later, you would've gotten around to it. Now get better so you can come home… I'm sick of takeout."

Confused, but understanding somehow that a truce in an unseen war had been reached, Shinji nodded. "Ok…"

Asuka made her way to the door, pushing it partway open, but hesitating for a moment to glance over her shoulder at the bedridden Third.

"What is it?" Shinji asked, unnerved by the suddenly serious light in the girl's eyes.

"Can I tell you something?" the redhead asked neutrally.

"Umm… sure."

Taking a deep breath, Asuka turned away so she would not have to see Shinji's face. "I've been… proud of you lately," she said awkwardly, "if that means anything to you. I think you did the right thing in sending Chidori away when you did, and even though I've kind of been a bitch to you since we met, you've been supportive of me when the chips were down and I had no one else to turn to. I appreciate that, Shinji." She laughed softly to herself. "Here I said I wasn't going to get mushy," she said ruefully, "how the mighty have fallen."

Shrugging, she stepped through the door, leaving Shinji speechless in her wake.

"Oh," she said almost absently, "one last thing…"

"Wh-what?" Shinji stammered, unsure if he could take any more revelations.

"Chidori and her mom are back at their house, but they're getting ready to catch a flight back to Tokyo-2 tomorrow morning."

Before Shinji had the chance to reply, the door swung quietly shut on its well-oiled hinges, leaving him alone with his indecision.

( 0 0 0 )

Humming softly to herself, Chidori stared out at the city of Tokyo-3, studying the skyline for what she knew would be the last time. For a high-tech city, she decided, it really was rather elegant. With skyscrapers shooting high up in the air, a well-designed monorail system, and glittering glass and steel as far as the eye could see, it commanded attention the way a grade school teacher commanded respect from her pupils.

Sitting on the edge of the back porch, she had the opportunity to swing her legs, so she did – enjoying the feeling of adolescence it gave her… a feeling she had found she rather missed. It was not as easy as she had thought to have a boyfriend, and in some ways, now that her relationship with Shinji was over, she was looking forward to being a little immature.

After all, she reasoned, the odds of falling that deeply in love again were pretty slim, so even if it did happen, it probably would not be for some time.

"Chidori," her mother called, "do you want alfredo or marinara on the pasta?"

"Don't care," Chidori called back, "either's fine…" she waited for a second, grinning to herself as she finally added, "as long as it's not marinara."

There was a curse from inside. "Damn it," her mother shouted, "I just opened the can!"

Chidori laughed. It felt good.

They would be having marinara, she knew, and she honestly did not care all that much, she just loved giving her mother a hard time. Her smile grew a bit more nostalgic, though, as she thought over the last few days.

"I brought him back," she mused, shaking her head with wonder, "me… no one else… I saved him."

No one, it seemed, could really give her the particulars, and it was amazing to Chidori just how fast an entire organization could go from having her standing in front of a top-secret, fifty-stories tall bioriod to saying, 'I'm sorry, miss, this is a secure facility… I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

Chidori did not mind, though. All that really mattered was that Shinji was safe.

Regardless of how their relationship had ended, she still loved him. _I'll probably always love him,_ she thought pragmatically; _don't they always say you never forget your first love? Well, Shinji was definitely that…_

Asuka had come over the day after Shinji had been retrieved, and let Chidori know that he was recovering quite well. She asked if Chidori was doing ok after her collapse, and after Chidori assured her that she was fine, Asuka took her leave, giving the younger girl an oddly formal bow before walking away without another word.

It was not the goodbye Chidori had hoped for, but it would have to do.

After her last meeting with him, there was no way she could just drop by and say, 'Thanks for everything, now I'm leaving forever. Bye.'

"It's better this way, right?" she asked herself, feeling remarkably lighthearted as she leaned back to look up at the sky. "A clean break – that's what they always say in the movies. Since we can't-"

"Hey…"

Chidori's throat locked up.

Keeping her face turned to the sky, she barely managed to breathe, "Why are you here…?"

Slowly, Shinji came the rest of the way around the back porch, standing a respectful distance away from the girl with his hands tucked easily into his pockets. "Don't be too loud, k?" he asked quietly, "I think… no, I'm pretty sure your mom would kill me if she saw me here."

"Maybe I should shout then," Chidori said coolly, straitening her back and needlessly smoothing the hem of her skirt. "You didn't answer my question… why are you here?"

Shinji looked up in the sky. "Pretty day, huh?"

_Fine,_ Chidori thought darkly, _don't answer… I'll just go in the house!_

"Mind if I sit down?"

"Go ahead," Chidori said coolly, rising to her feet and brushing off her skirt, "it was nice seeing you again."

As she turned away, Shinji's hand gently caught her wrist. "Was it?"

"Let go of me," Chidori said quietly.

"Was it good to see me?" Shinji pressed, keeping her wrist tightly trapped in his fist.

"I said let GO!"

Shinji closed his eyes as Chidori's free hand connected smartly with his cheek, but he did not let her go. "I guess that means no," he said softly, rubbing his smarting face with the back of his hand.

Whatever determination he had worked up in coming over dissolved under Chidori's icy stare, and after a moment spent staring into her face, he released her hand, stepping back and giving her a polite bow to show that he would not try to stop her from going into the house again.

After a moment, Chidori's expression softened.

"I'm, umm… I'm sorry I hit you," she said quietly.

"No, I deserved it," Shinji said quickly, clearly relieved that she was speaking to him at all. "Do you have a minute, Chidori…?"

Chidori took a step back. "Mom's making dinner," she said simply, "I have to go."

"Half a minute, then?"

"Umm, I guess," Chidori shrugged. "Ok, yeah, half a minute."

Shinji smiled faintly. "You wanna get a timer?"

A snort of laughter escaped before Chidori could stop it. "No," she said gently, "I… THINK I can trust you not to go over."

"You look… good," Shinji mumbled, unable to meet the girl's eyes.

"So do you," Chidori said quietly. "I guess, well, that woman – Doctor Akagi – said that you might not remember much about what happened while you were, umm… inside, so I don't know how it felt for you, but it's been over a month since the last time I saw you."

Shinji shook his head. "I know," he said softly. "To me it felt like a few hours – a day at the most."

"Nope," Chidori said gently, "it's been a whole month."

"Yeah…"

"I missed you."

"Did you?"

Chidori sighed. "This isn't really getting us anywhere," she said simply. "You know I did, Shinji… I missed you then, and I'll miss you when I'm gone. I won't ever forget you." Smiling sadly, she concluded, "I think that's about a half minute, huh? See ya…"

"If you leave," Shinji said quickly, "I won't be happy."

There was a long, awkward pause. "And… why should I care?" Chidori asked hesitantly. "It might seem like day before yesterday to you, but it's been over a month since you made me leave, Shinji… I've had a lot of time to get used to being without you."

"I haven't."

"Well that's not really my problem, is it?"

Shinji looked stricken. "No, I guess not," he said reluctantly, "but… but I want it to be."

"You're not making sense," Chidori sighed, "I've… gotta go, Shinji."

"I don't want you to," Shinji said, his face clearing as he stepped up onto the porch and reached out to put a hand on Chidori's face. "I won't let you leave me," he said quietly, "Do you hear me, Chidori? You can't go until I say so. I don't care if you love me – I won't let go of you without a fight."

Chidori shuddered from head to toe. "You… you heard me," she whispered, staring mesmerized into Shinji's face.

Nodding, Shinji replied, "You have no idea how hard it was to push you away from me that day, Chidori… you'll never have any idea. I just wanted to grab you and keep you close to me, but I thought I had to get you as far away from this war – as far away from me – as I could. I don't want you to go," he concluded simply, "because with you…"

Hanging on his every word, Chidori barely managed to breathe, "With me what?"

"Jibun jishin no arika ga hajimete mietanda."

Chidori's bottom lip trembled.

"Chidori," Myakka's voice called, "we're out of…"

The woman trailed off as she pushed the door open and caught sight of Shinji. After a moment of silence, her lips pulled back slightly from her teeth in an openly hostile, borderline snarl.

"You."

"Mother," Chidori said quietly, never looking away from Shinji's face, "would you give us a minute please?"

Myakka barked a short, unpleasant laugh. "I don't think so," she said sharply, "I made Mister Ikari here a promise… and I fully intend to-"

"Please Mother…"

Hearing the unfamiliar note of command in her daughter's voice, Myakka closed her mouth. She looked from Chidori to Shinji, then back again, clearly trying to decide if she should honor the girl's wishes, or fulfill her promise to Shinji – an option Shinji, for one, truly was not looking forward to.

"Alright, Chidori," she said finally, giving Shinji a final, cold stare, "dinner will be ready in about five minutes. I expect you waiting at the table in four."

"Yes ma'am."

As the woman went back into the house, Shinji let out a long, uneven breath. "I don't think she likes me anymore," he managed finally, wiping a trickle of sweat from his brow.

"I'd say you're right," Chidori said, taking a step back out of Shinij's reach. "Listen," she said quietly, "My mother is pretty determined to leave Tokyo-3 again, and I'm not old enough to get a job or make it on my own, so… I'm going to have to go with her, Shinji. I think it would be better for us if you left now, because the longer you stay, the more I want to get back together with you – and that'll never work."

Shinji considered this for a moment, all too aware of the time quickly slipping away from them. "If I talk to her and convince her to stay," he said carefully, "will I be asking my girlfriend's mom… or my classmate's mom?"

Chidori cocked her head to one side. "She wants to kill you, Shinji," she said bluntly, "I don't think you'll be convincing her of anything."

"You didn't answer my question."

"And you didn't answer me when I asked you why you came," Chidori sniffed, "so I guess we're even."

Seeing the uncertainty on his face, Chidori slowly reached out and took his hand.

"I think… if we were staying, that I'd probably want to spend some more time with you and see what comes of it, yeah…"

Shinji nodded, clearly picking up the distinction made by her words. _So to put it bluntly,_ he thought, _we'll go back to where we started… and if I can prove that I'm serious, we'll be boyfriend and girlfriend again._

Glancing down, he noticed that their hands were still linked… and though, for him, it had only been a few days since he had held hands with her, it was very much missed. Funny, he thought, how trying to push her away had stopped him from enjoying the feeling of being with her.

"Ready?" Chidori asked, pushing the back door open and giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

Shinji stared at the doorway, pondering what, exactly, it meant to stop through. If he backed up now, ran, hid, pretended he had never come to her house to win her back, he would be able to survive. He had been alone for so long before meeting Chidori that it was not inconceivable to do it again. Asuka would understand if he ran – he knew she would – and Kensuke would probably applaud his decision while standing on a desk and shouting hallelujah.

But would he be happy?

"No," he answered Chidori's question honestly, shaking his head minutely as he rolled his shoulders in an attempt to loosen the tension building up in them, "no, I'm not ready at all…"

Taking a deep breath, though, he stepped forward, making the choice – for better or worse – to accept Chidori's love unconditionally, and (perhaps, if he was capable) returning it.

It was the hardest step he ever had to take… and he never once regretted it.

チドリ

Chidori

The End

Author's Notes: "Jibun jishin no arika ga hajimete mietanda," translates to 'I saw where I belonged for the very first time.' Unless I got the translation wrong… which is possible. Well, there you have it – the final story of Chidori and Shinji. I'd apologize for having it take so long to finish, but you know what? I'm not gonna. I wanted to take my time and get it right… and as it is, I STILL think it came out a little sappier than I wanted it to. Ahh well. I hope you liked it anyway. Some people are going to ask what the truth of Kensuke's confession in the shelter was. Those people are going to be disappointed, since I'm pulling a complete Anno on this one and leaving it up to your imagination. Like Gendou and Ritsuko in End of Evangelion, however, the hints are there (and pretty blatant, in hindsight) they just need to be strung together.

Ryoma, and WriteShop pre-read this last installment and made sure that it wasn't TOTALLY lame… and believe me, some of the stuff they had me pull out was cornier than a whole box of Orville Redenbacher! (Additional disclaimer: I don't own Orville Redenbacher).

One last incidental note – Chidori's name can be translated two different ways, that I was able to find anyway, and I slipped the one I liked best into the body of the story. Extra Japanophile nerd points if you can spot it.

Feedback is always welcome on any page with reviewing capabilities, or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-symbol)yahoo(dot)com.


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